Teatro Goldoni

Restaurant week always seems like a great idea (three courses for $35.09), but it disappoints every time. The Teatro Goldoni, a swank, upscale Italian place on K St. near the George Washington University, is known for its lobster risotto and apple wood smoked Branzino. But instead of placing smaller portions of these on the shortened menu, we were subjected to Fazoli’s-style Italian and some pretty embarrassing service. We will not be back.

The restaurant is conveniently located just a few blocks from the Foggy Bottom metro station. We had reservations for 7:30 and arrived a few minutes early. Things were off to a good start when a valet opened the door, our coats were whisked away, and we found ourselves comfortably seated at the bar to wait for our table.

Never one to pass up a drink, K ordered the Old-Fashioned (I was drugged up on Theraflu, so stuck with water). Now I know this classic cocktail comes in many varieties, but I like mine as a fruity, sweetened bourbon. This tasted like Scotch with ice (at least they didn’t skimp on the booze). I also understand that the Italians have a different sense of time than we hurried Washingtonians, but you’ve got to be kidding me. We finally got our table at 8:00 and it was another fifteen minutes before our waiter (let’s call him Mario) managed to take our order. As much as I’ve enjoyed holding the menu tomes, all we want are the restaurant-week items (big mistake).

Starving, we devour the bread. In the basket were three varieties, the best of which was a focaccia that tasted like a wonderful, fat-infused crust from Pizza Hut (yes, that’s a compliment). The others, a light rye and an even lighter rosemary, helped soak up the Old-Fashioned. The clean, unflavored olive oil was lovely, but a little boring. So far, so good.

Appetizers: K had the “Sushi style Caesar salad roulade with olive oil soaked bread crumbs dust and chive mustard sauce and roasted cubes of parmesan cheese.” Despite all the syllables, this was basically lettuce with Caesar salad dressing wrapped in a tortilla (it looked like something Wendy’s would serve). My appetizer was smaller, but better, “Warm baby spinach foam square over a fondue of soft Tuscan pecorino cheese sauce, crispy sweet onions, a ragu` of caponata style eggplants with tomato filets and black olives.” The spinach foam was a bit creepy, sort of like something that might be clogging your bathroom drain, but it tasted pretty good. The eggplant was bitter. Excellent fried onions!

Three main courses were offered. While I’ll eat almost anything, when others are looking veal seems unethical, so we passed on the “Roasted stuffed veal with mushrooms potatoes and rosemary, port wine reduction sauce sautéed spinach.” K had the “Roasted filet of salmon served with a stew of leeks, basil, green olives, capers and crispy red beet chips.” This was quite good. Salmon seems to be a restaurant week favorite (go figure). this one was cooked perfectly with a nice crust of char. I had the “Giant round ravioli pasta filled with porcini mushrooms, potatoes and thyme and served over a ragu` of roasted shrimp and warm broccoli mayonnaise.” Maybe I don’t know good Italian, but the ravioli shell was paper thin and still managed to be chewy. The mushroom/potato filling was flavorless. The shrimp were quite good, if overcooked, but they had been brutally hacked into “shrimp nuggets,” perfect for Long John Silver’s.

Dessert redeemed the place. K had “Vanilla/orange pannacotta sunny side up.” This was outstanding, a pannacotta with two little egg yoke-shaped pools of orange sauce. I had “Almond cake with caramel sauce and a cappuccino of mascarpone rum custard.” Again, excellent, especially the light carmel sauce.

We had to flag Mario down for a check.

So here it is:

Service: C (Clearly the reservation hostess doesn’t know how slow the service is)
Food: C+ (At least the desserts weren’t an embarrassment)
Bathroom: B+ (floor to ceiling stall doors in DC, nice)